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The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.   I judge the quality of my weekends by how often I had to wear a bra— Hollis Miller (@missehollis) May 14, 2017 i don't know that men have what it takes to wear a romper.
stripping naked to pee feels like a burden only women are strong enough to bear.— fooler initiative (@metroadlib) May 16, 2017 Me: Hey, what's that dude's name? Rinse Prius?
Him: Reince Priebus.
Me: Prince Rebust.
Him: Reince Priebus.
Me: Risky Prisiness.
Him:
Me:— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 16, 2017 "I wouldn't consider myself a feminist but I do believe that we all [insert the exact definition of feminism here]" pic.twitter.com/aDqsTnffKa— kei (@bblackgoldd) May 15, 2017 Damn I signed offline at 4:45 and I've literally missed a month's worth of news.— Paige Lavender (@paigelav) May 16, 2017 Statistically the lottery is a losing game. And yet, you can't win if you don't play. This is how I feel about keeping up with politics.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 16, 2017 Congrats to James Comey for making memos interesting for the first time in history— Erin 🎶Gloria🎶 Ryan (@morninggloria) May 16, 2017 Me: I HATE MEN SO MUCH GODDAMN WHY DO THEY–
Literally any man over 6ft who has most of his teeth: 🙂
Me: whelp— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 26, 2017 It's so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 16, 2017 i, for one, am looking forward to the first time someone live-tweets their impeachment— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 18, 2017 we really have no idea what's going to come from day to day anymore, so if I have one bit of summer advice it is to get the lobster roll— #rachelsyme (@rachsyme) May 16, 2017 me literally everytime I read the news pic.twitter.com/IDLWrG0EN9— Jenna //\ Wortham (@jennydeluxe) May 15, 2017 Casual reminder that Beyoncé's entire marketing team is better at managing security/leaks than our current White House administration.— Arielle Brousse 📌 (@thewordunheard) May 16, 2017 I never ever wanna talk to people but if someone compliments something I'm wearing I sure do love telling them how cheap it was— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) May 19, 2017 For the first 5 years of my life, I thought my name was "For fucks sake".— Bianca LaVagina (@AnitaHelmet) May 19, 2017 i also say PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND TELL NO ONE after most of my jokes— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) May 17, 2017 I'm "Just had to explain to someone who Tom Selleck is" old.— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) May 17, 2017 "Boring. This is only your first marriage? I've been married THREE times. Nobody gets married as good as me." – Donald Trump, wedding guest— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 17, 2017 "So, puppy, what do you want to do with our girls' night in?
Drink some vodka and stress refresh Twitter?
I was hoping you'd say that!"— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) May 17, 2017 2015: Netflix and chill
2017: WaPo and freak out— Caitlin Kelly (@caitlin__kelly) May 18, 2017

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